Have you ever met someone who just didn’t feel like they were available to connect with you?
Maybe you’re at an event or conference, and they just seem a little aloof?
Or maybe you’ve been that person?
It could be that being around a lot of people you don’t know feels exhausting; like you have to be on, ya know?
You might not believe it, but that’s been me for about 95% of my life. (I’m pretty such I looked like a total A hole a lot of the time in groups. :/ )
But at Ascend Live, just this past September of 2018, I experienced my first event where I felt 100% emotionally available to every person I saw.
It felt magical.
A month later I attended one of my mentors’ event. Same thing. All of a sudden I was open to truly connect.
Last week, I was in Mexico for a mastermind. I could feel myself, even on the plane ride there, almost subconsciously trying to make a plan to hide and keep to myself.
Once I noticed it, I set an intention to remain open and connect.
How I’ve been able to REALLY change this part of myself is a story for another day. Let’s just say I’ve made a huge commitment to being better and gotten support from the right people who have helped me help myself.
It might seem like I’m an extrovert when you see me on video, but it’s easy to turn off the FB live the moment I want to. Plus, there’s a solid boundary (talking to an electronic box) that keeps me safe.
What I’ve noticed as I’ve worked to open up more, is how much lighter I feel.
It’s just better not carrying around the panic of what others might think of me, or whether or not I’m compelling enough in person, how I compare to the other entrepreneurs I’m hanging out with, or how to impress.
Yup, my mind used to go crazy with that kind of chatter.
I’m a late bloomer when it comes to building relationships outside of my client base with other peers and colleagues. But I’ve been watching from the sidelines and learning just how joyful being more connected IS.
When I worked with a mentor on this stuff, I told her about all of my goals. She ignored me and said, “You don’t really care about that shit Mel, you have a deep desire to be loved, cuddled, and CONNECTED.”
Truth be told, it pissed me off when she first said it. But as I painfully moved forward in my work with her, turns out I really DO want a deep connection.
Since September, I’ve been saying to Rob and a lot of my friends who know about my journey, “I’m DOING IT! I’m so happy! I’m CONNECTING! And Rob, it doesn’t even feel like I’m TRYING!”
I have no regrets, but I only wish I’d cracked this code a little earlier. Ah well, all in good time.
As a result, I’ve been talking to my clients about putting relationships FIRST in business. Partnering up sooner, when it feels right. Having business besties early on in the game. <3
I think when we’re first getting started, it can be easy to be taking action simply because we NEED clients… but your leads can smell that a mile away and it only repels.
When we switch to just caring about connection, that’s when our online following begins to multiply.
So perhaps you can follow this simple step by step for connecting for community and influencer expansion:
1. Make Your #1 Goal to MINGLE. It’s easy online to be that person who’s just trying to get stuff or sell. Make your main goal instead to be the life of the party and get the BEST conversations started by being curious about others.
2. Be Generous Online. Share bite sized, super helpful, hugely craved tips that your ideal prospects are always asking about and need most. Just sharing a simple step by step continuously positions you as an expert for the people who need you.
3. Make a List of 10-20 Peers, Influencers, Colleagues, etc. who you’d love to build a genuine relationship with and reach out to them once a month. Don’t ask for anything. Perhaps compliment them, send an article their way, offer to connect them with someone you heard they’re looking for. Something short and sweet (like 2-3 sentences) that might be helpful and not with the intention that you’re looking to get something back.
I can promise you that if you practice these 3 over and over again, you’ll be experiencing a whole new level of real connection, community, and influence online.
It’s not super complicated, but it is a game-changer, because a little human touch is just what I believe the online world needs.
Let me know how this changes things for you, and I’ll be in touch next week with a holiday message.
Lots of love,