I forgot to tell you that I cried all the way to the airport

Posted on: November 27, 2019
I cried all the way to the airport

This time of year I’m naturally thinking about the things, and definitely about the people that I’m so grateful for as I celebrate my Thanksgiving holiday.

If you celebrate Thanksgiving, a happy one to you. I hope that, despite life’s challenges, you feel you have much to be grateful for.

This year I have overwhelming gratitude for my friends, family, community, health, travel, and so many things. There are far too many to list here.

Also on that list is something a little less tangible, but oh so very important.

I’m grateful that I’ve learned to say YES to life’s and entrepreneurship’s RISKS, even when I don’t know for SURE that they’ll pan out or lead me to where I want to go.

I didn’t tell you this yet. I can’t say it’s some deep dark secret… but I cried like a baby on and off all afternoon before my flight to Bali this past November 9th.

I cried in the cab all the way to the airport, too. I’m glad my flight left at 11pm. That meant it was dark in the car, and I had some privacy as I blubbered, although I think my driver was slightly uncomfortable.

To preface this story… it’s not lost on me that life’s risks, for so many, do NOT include being nervous before a plane ride to Bali or the other fear I’ve overcome since being here that I’ll be sharing with you.

I fully understand that it’s a privilege to be facing such a “risk. Which is probably PART of the reason that I felt such shame crying like a child about packing up and leaving for five weeks to live on an amazing tropical island.

Nonetheless, it felt like a risk. The fear was real, and perhaps what I’m learning over here will help support you over there. ❤️

As the time for me to depart crept nearer and nearer, I started to think, “Why am I doing this?”

Thoughts like:

  • “Why am I peace-ing out on Rob for FIVE weeks?”
  • “I was just IN Bali 8 months ago, do I REALLY need to go back?”
  • “I just want to stay home where it’s nice and cold and sleep in my own bed.”
  • “I can tell that NO ONE in my family, and definitely no one in Rob’s, really understands why I’m doing this.”
  • “Why do I give two sh**s what anyone else thinks? It’s not about them. It’s my life.”
  • “What if I think it’s going to be as incredible as last time and it’s NOT? What if I’m just miserable the whole time?”
  • “I guess I could fly home early if it’s really that bad.”
  • “Rob won’t be there with his ‘catch and release’ program for any rogue GIANT spiders that end up in my bungalow!” (This last fear possibly being the worst since I’ll go as far to say that I think I have a significant case of Arachnophobia.)

My fears and emotions were escalating as the clock ticked closer to take off.

I felt blindsided by this unexpected upheaval of feelings… and definitely ashamed.

BUT…

Once I arrived in Dubai and found that I knew where to go to connect to my next flight…

Once the driver who picked me up was familiar from my last trip…

Once I walked into the same room that I’d stayed in in February…

I didn’t feel panicked.

But I didn’t feel certain that I’d made the right choice either.

It was only after my first week that I made my discovery that I shared with you last week:

Wherever you go, there you are

At that point, I began to really enjoy my time, probably MORE than last time.

As I planned out the things I desired to experience this time around, I went through a less intense but similar process around my decision to try out surfing.

After last year’s injuries and one treacherous surf lesson in Hawaii, I was afraid of getting hurt. I was afraid of overestimating my abilities to pick up this new sport at any level that might be enjoyable and that would be worth the risk.

After just one lesson, though, my time here was up-leveled to the Nth degree! I’ve fallen in love with a new sport and amplified the full on JOY that I feel living on an island for a short period of time. It feels like it was designed to tick all of my boxes!

It’s just a simple reminder that we all have our own fears that accompany the risks that we believe are worth taking.

Sometimes the stakes are high, and sometimes they’re low. But that doesn’t negate the anxiety or discomfort that comes from stretching past YOUR comfort zone. Or the fulfillment that comes when you realize you did it, and you’re that much more courageous, experienced, and better for it.

When I lay down last night to fall asleep, it was clear to me that Bali was delivering a message to me.

No matter how the next chapter pans out, I’m meant to keep stretching and doing things that I didn’t think I’d have the courage to do.

My answer?

YES. I’m willing to keep stretching and growing, no matter the discomfort that comes with that growth.

I’d love to hear from you if #1) any part of this resonates, and #2) there’s anything specific you’re committing to when it comes to stretching! (You comment below or connect with me on Instagram!)

Lots of love and belief in you,

XO,
Mel

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