I’m here to give you a pilgrimage update, yo! I’m in Colorado at the moment and then onto Bali next month and you’re basically my journal. <3
It began this past Dec 30th, 2018.
Actually it started months ago, when I got this idea to just chill out in CO for a few weeks and then go onto Bali for a month. I didn’t know why I had the pull. I could just feel that this was a must-do thing.
As the months flew by and my travel neared, it became apparent that by closing out this past decade, I’m finishing an important chapter and beginning the next.
When December 30th rolled around, although I was still in NYC, I felt an energetic shift within myself. It was clearly a time to get uncomfortably still and just listen in life MORE than do. As I prepared for my flight to CO on this past 7th of January, I thought about the ways I could lessen distractions from just practicing the art of being present.
For me it looks like:
- Having no alcohol or sugar
- Moving my body every day
- Having a ritual first thing every morning of 1) journaling for 10-20 minutes, 2) reading 10 beliefs I’m working to install, and 3) 20 minutes of meditation
On my plane ride to CO, another addition to that list came to mind. I’d been thinking of watching Outlander on Netflix and having a TV series to keep me company, but I quickly realized that Netflix/TV Series/Movies, constant background music, the Tennis Channel, or any other sports or sources of entertainment just weren’t for me right now.
I’ve kept every one of my promises since the 30th of December and only felt the temptation for something here or there.
This week I woke up anxious more than once. Three times to be exact. It’s so interesting how distractions weaken our ability to self soothe. Being present and still; listening and reflecting; they really are an art, and I believe they’re needed today more than ever.
My first week in CO has been wonderfully what I need it to be, and more uncomfortable than I thought it would be. I’ve been observing my mind do what it does when no one else is around and you’ve got your next up level, next chapter, next decade in mind and lots of unanswered questions. Sometimes it feels like with all that we desire to create and how we know we are committed to expanding, that we are standing at the bottom of a mountain and making ourselves crazy by obsessing over how we’ll ever stand on top, instead of just taking one single step that day.
With all this stillness, I’m more conscious of the shifts that are happening. Many of them began during the campaigning of our last presidential election.
I feel full body relief that the me who was so desperate to have a working business 4+ years ago cares deeply about so much more than getting the next client. As that struggle to survive as an entrepreneur was overcome, I’ve been afforded the time, space, and peace to think about why I’m doing what I do.
I really do care, about so many things.
I won’t be an entrepreneur who replaces connection and relationships with my to do list, or fiddling with my phone. I want to be here now, and feel alive in every moment, even if some of those moments about doubtful or fearful. #bringitonlife
I will have who I become as I grow my business and mission be a direct reflection of the values and beliefs that I believe bring about positive change.
I won’t be someone who cares more about my business than what’s happening in my personal life or throughout the rest of the world.
I will work to continue to develop an incredible amount of trust in myself and my journey and be willing to try things that I might fail at.
I will acknowledge the value that every person has to offer, even if they think or work differently than I do.
I will be so present in life that even when time is moving quickly, I’ll avoid less and less trying to convince myself that getting things done is more important than breathing and loving.
Maybe these next few months are about being on this pilgrimage, but also running my business at the same time and seeing that they were never meant to be mutually exclusive. It’s been fascinating to do both at once and notice that I have been doing both at once for some time.
Now, it seems, I’m ready to take that to a new level.
I suppose I could buy into believing that my next level of expansion equals working harder, but 2018, although we put the work in, proved to me once again that leaning back and valuing rest and reflection is the most efficient and sustainable path.
I’m not sure what this time up until March 3rd when I return to NYC from Bali brings, but I promise to keep you in the loop just for the purpose of possibly stirring in you anything powerful that needs to be awakened.
All my love and belief in you.
To simply breathing,