Ever held back from sharing the behind the scenes with your community, because honestly, you were just too much of a sh**show trying to get through a tough chapter?
I’ve been holding out on you a bit. :/
But to keep it real, I was too deep in the weeds to be able to find any wisdom that might actually be useful for you, and I don’t really believe in sharing story unless I think you’ll get something out of it.
This past July I was diagnosed with Rhabdomyolysis. You can google it if you want. It can be a scary thing, but at the same time, my body handled it like a champ, and as far as I knew at the time, it was just a one time thing that less than 26,000 people on the planet earth/year end up experiencing, often with no long term effects.
Long story short, it can happen after intense exercise, and the breakdown of your muscles can build up in your blood and affect the function of your kidneys and liver.
I was admitted to the ER in New Hampshire because I was with my girlfriends for the weekend and Rob was on a plane from London to NYC.
The doctors assured me that I’d be fine, and they were right. But what I thought would be an easy overnight stay ended up being three long days hooked up to an IV to flush my body of this muscle breakdown poison sitch. :/
Rob came nearly as soon as he landed back in NYC and stayed with me. He’s an amazing partner, and his patience over the past six months has truly been unparalleled.
Why do I say six months?
Unfortunately, I thought my road to recovery would be short and sweet, but I was mistaken. After you get Rhabdo, you can’t do much of anything for two weeks except sit your buns on the couch. While I get that there are worse things, the experience, and the lack of movement is excruciating for someone who lives for the joy that comes from movement and athletics.
Two weeks later, I picked myself up, and got back at it. I’d been given instructions to go slow, so I did. The 10th day after I’d been cleared to get back into my routine, I broke my silly ankle playing tennis.
The boot was on for six weeks, and I hosted my three day event, Ascend Live, sporting that sucker. It’s not how I imagined my first big event, but I’m sure it got a few good laughs and some of the pics are pretty hilarious too.
I was beyond thrilled when that boot came off. It felt amazing to finally get back to my routine. I’d spent one too many weekends feeling overcome with frustration that moving my body, something that I feel I live for much more than most people, was off limits.
It was just two weeks later that I was diagnosed with Rhabdo for a 2nd time. I think the devastation came more from the identity fracture that’s taken place than from physical pain. And the recovery was different this time too. My arm didn’t feel normal again for months, and sometimes it still doesn’t.
I’ve seen a large handful of doctors, and the latest is that perhaps I have genetic disorder that’s just showing up now.
But truthfully, I think that very well could just be a load of BS.
So among the reasons that I’ve decided to come to Bali, is the desire to have fun, be patient, and heal. And I have been healing… I’ve played tennis again for the first time. I took my first yoga class today, and I’ve been doing some good lower body and core workouts for weeks now. I even add in just a little upper body. I swim regularly, too. Yay!
The thing is, I promised myself that I wouldn’t let any of this scare me from getting back to myself and my sports. And I’m not worried that I won’t, I just think it’s going to take a lot of learning and quite a bit of time, too.
(I’ve spend the past six months doing all kinds of research, thinking about why and how I attracted this, what I’m learning, how to recover differently this time, etc. so please, I’m not looking for “sorrys”, and I’m definitely not looking for advice, said with love. I’m pretty sure I’ve left no stone unturned.)
I really wanted to show myself that when the going gets a little tricky, I can just show up in a bigger way. I can be more grateful, more patient, more trusting.
And I think that I’m getting that forcing things, or trying to go for perfection, is often the fastest path to relearning lessons that you wish you’d already figured out.
Last week I did a family constellation group session in Ubud, Bali.
If you don’t know what a family constellations is, it’s a fascinating way of looking into how your dynamic with family members and the life experiences of your ancestors may be affecting the way you’re living now.
At one point, when I was asked a specific question about my personal life I blurted out… “I want to be perfect.” I was embarrassed. If felt like it just escaped out and surprised me, but at the same time, I knew in this specific part of my life, it was true.
I think looking back, that I pushed my body too hard and too fast, because I felt the self imposed pressure of looking good enough for my first big event.
But at some point, you just have to show up in life and choose to prioritize connecting and loving and forget about trying to prove anything to anyone, especially yourself.
One of the reasons I think my business keeps making an impact, is because I haven’t felt that I suffered too much from perfectionism. With business, I’ve been able to go with good enough, and know that mastering your craft comes with taking imperfect steps forward.
But now with a new personal challenge, I’ve become more able to identify with my clients who deal with perfectionism in their businesses, because apparently I’m the last one to know that I’m a perfectionist too sometimes.
I think if there are two things that make all the difference when it comes to creating an impact with your business (and in your life too) it’s:
#1) Letting go of perfectionism. Who are we trying to impress anyway?
#2) Allowing our challenges to fuel our fire, instead of dim our light.
I’d love to hear just ONE blessing that you’re receiving due to a challenge, AND one thing in your business that you’re willing to STOP being a perfectionist about and just make it happen imperfectly.
One of my badass clients shared this quote with me,
“Excellence does not require perfection.”
Love from Bali,